Women and Work

Personal Questions: Women & Work

Last modified on 2013-03-21 04:22:43 GMT. 24 comments. Top.

Women do not need to be more like men.

• I have been an attorney for 25 years.
• I have advised CEOs and Directors of public companies.
• I have been on teams that took over insolvent insurance companies for state governments, handled the investments, litigated the claims, then sold the companies.
• I have argued appeals before state and federal courts.
• I have tried cases involving company takeovers, million dollar fraud, complex real estate deals, and weasels of every kind.
• I have represented a union through a strike at a multinational manufacturing plant.
• I have closed billion dollar deals.
• I am a law professor.
• I am an artist.
• I answer to Mommy boo.
• I make killer coffee cake.
• I have this thing for down pillows and bed linens.
• My toenails were painted red two weeks ago.
• Next time, I’m getting pink.

I am 15 years younger than Hilary Clinton, 2 years older than Michelle Obama, and 7 years older than Sheryl Sandberg.

I started my career in the 80’s after birth control, and before sexual harassment lawsuits. (Yes. I’ve done it on the conference room table.)

I had female assistants who didn’t want to work for me because I was a woman.

I was underestimated, underpaid, and misunderstood.

I married the wrong guy at 35 because I thought it was my last chance. I had my second child at 40.

When I had been practicing law 10 years, I gave up all my black and navy suits and bought pastels, because I finally had enough credibility to wear feminine colors.

At 15 years, I gave up pantyhose and all suits, because I hated them. Besides, men still aren’t allowed to comment on what women wear at work.

At 20 years, I gave up shoes and clothes and everything else that hurt, because I’m finally okay with how I look. Although, I wish I had stopped getting zits when I started getting wrinkles. And I will never feel comfortable in a swimsuit.

I don’t understand the competitive bullshit that men go through. Some days I wish I had a giant dildo in my briefcase that I could just pull out, slam on the table, and declare: “Mine’s bigger.” But they wouldn’t get it.

I don’t understand the competitive bullshit that women go through. Some days I wish I had a giant mirror that I could just pull out, prop on the table, and show them how beautiful they really are. Especially the ones who don’t think so. But they wouldn’t get it.

Men and women are different. This is not a problem. This is an asset.

Women do not need to be more like men. Men do not need to be more like women.

We do need to start where we are. It’s important to acknowledge the ways things get done, the rituals of business and power, and that they have been developed mostly by men. Women need to learn the language, and understand the dynamics.

But not to judge, blame, fix, fight, run, lean in, or overcome. We need to see it clearly so we can decide if it’s working for us or not. If so, carry on. If not, do it differently.

You can, you know. Do it your way. You may have to go somewhere else, or even start your own company. But no one is stopping you.

We are in the midst of incredible change — social, technical, and cultural.

It’s time to rethink our time, our work, our days, our values, and how we want to spend our lives. It’s time to design our relationships with our fears, our jobs, our families, our companies, and each other, in richer and more interesting ways. Mostly though, we have to make friends with ourselves.

Women can do it all. We always have. But we can’t always do it all at once. And we can’t do it alone.

Being a woman is a million different things, and nothing in particular. Labeling work and life questions as women’s issues is at worst, a distortion; at best, a distraction.

These are human questions. And personal questions.

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do

with your one wild and precious life?”

(The Summer Day by Mary Oliver)

5 Links: Women and Work

Last modified on 2013-03-15 13:48:27 GMT. 0 comments. Top.

It’s been less than a 100 years since US women got the right to vote, and only slightly longer since women were property.

I’m filling in for John Sumser on this week’s 5 links. Here are some additional resources to my piece on Monday, Personal Questions: Women and Work. Thank you for all your comments, shares and tweets. Your attention and kind words are precious gifts.

Suffrage History

For some perspective, an article from the Susan B. Anthony Center for Women’s Leadership at Rochester College. It’s been less than a 100 years since US women got the right to vote, and only slightly longer since women were property. Here’s a wonderful quote by Susan B Anthony:

“Cautious, careful people, always casting about to preserve their reputation and social standing never can bring about reform. Those who are really in earnest must be willing to be anything or nothing in the world’s estimation.”

I Had to Take a Xanax to Read Time Magazine This Week

Penelope Trunk looks at her high tech career and the choices she made to down-shift after having kids. She says: “Sheryl Sandberg gives up her kids like movie stars give up food: she wants a great career more than anything else.”

Yes, You Can

Ann-Marie Slaughter, another lawyer, also looks at Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean-In in the New York Times Sunday Book Review. Slaughter takes a balanced look at the issues and book, finding Sandberg’s message, to believe you can do it all, is a good one, if not entirely realistic for everyone. She also challenges business to lean in and do their part.

Modern Parenthood

The Pew Research Center just released their survey results on what it’s like to be a parent today. The survey confirms what we all know: It’s hard to be a working parent for both moms and dads. Especially interesting were working parent’s priorities which are: 1. Job Security; 2. A Job They Enjoy; and 3. Flexible Schedule. All came before a high paying job.

Dear Sugar

If you want to read about what it’s really like to be human, read Cheryl Strayed’s Dear Sugar column at Rumpus.com, and her new book, Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life by Dear Sugar. You will feel braver, stronger, and not so alone in the world.

Events, etc.

• HRExaminer Radio: Industry News and Commentary. Fridays @ 11am PST (2pm EST)

• Fri. March 15: Lars Schmidt
• Fri. March 22: Dan Harris

• HRTech Europe: Spring Warm up (London, March 19-20, 2013) Get a 15% discount with Code SUMLND15
• The Frontier Project: Re imagining the Future of HR(Omaha, May 20-21) “Wanted: Innovators, creators, culture hackers, workplace revolutionaries and leaders who can no longer stand idly by as talent is squandered.”
• The HR Technology Conference (Las Vegas, Oct. 7-9, 2013) The HR Tech Industry’s town hall with Bill Kutik and cohost Steve Boese

Happiness Breeds Happiness

Last modified on 2013-03-14 12:55:16 GMT. 0 comments. Top.

Reality is caused by the way you view it. Not by the way it is.

Happiness Breeds Happiness

Mirror neurons are a part of our bodies that allow human experiences to flow from one person to another. The same neurons fire when a human being performs an action or sees it performed. This remarkable bit of neuropsychology is at the root of a rethinking of humanness driven by deep scientific research.

We’re wired to transmit information from brain to brain. And, we can reprogram the fundamentals.

This was a part of an amazing talk given by Shawn Achor as the opening keynote for the Ultimate Software User Conference. He’s the most popular teacher at Harvard these days. His research is focused on happiness, its generation and its use as a competitive advantage.

I wasn’t expecting much.

Achor is the son of a Texas neurosurgeon. Years in the Ivy Leagues have dusted the accent away but the toothy smile and self-effacing humor you expect from a Texan shone through. He kept the audience laughing as he hammered home powerful ideas

• Reality is caused by the way you view it. Not by the way it is.
• Emotional tone is contagious.
• Habits of thought persist.
• It’s a really good idea to change the way you think on a regular basis (and hard to do)
• Happiness is a choice and not a choice.
• By choosing to be happy, you can increase the happiness of others
• The best way to change someone else is by changing yourself.

There’s nothing astonishing about these ideas. They are so common-sensical that nearly everyone forgets them. Achor’s talk was powerful precisely because it melded easy to understand ideas with scientific research. By the end of the talk, the audience was charged up, the social media pipelines were full of positivity and contagious smiling was on display.

This is the how and why of selecting a speaker who starts your event.

Today, one must begin the consideration of speakers by understanding that whatever they say will be tweeted, facebooked, tumblred and generally recycled faster than other news. What once was a contained experience limited to the faithful believers who turn up at users’ conferences is now a global communications moment. The talk was streamed, commented on and repurposed.

In that hour, Shawn Achor’s ideas and sensibilities became one with the Ultimate Software Brand.

And, happiness is good business. The Ultimate culture involves a lot of hugging. The customer base is distinctly HR (female, smart, mid-40s). What works better in that setting than contagious happiness as an end state.

Hats off to the Ultimate team behind this year’s user conference.

(Disclosure: Ultimate covered my expenses and gave me a fee for writing a couple of articles.)

Measurement

Last modified on 2013-03-14 12:51:20 GMT. 1 comment. Top.

Measure twice, cut once.

The old saw goes “What gets measured gets managed.” That is the simplest way to describe the fundamental workings of management as a discipline. Here, at the dawn of truly strategic Human Capital function, we are often surprised at the degree to which people want to argue about measurement systems.

First of all, measurement systems are always inexact. They measure an aspect of things and never provide the whole picture. Measuring tools provide quantitative guidance for decision making. “Measure twice, cut once” is the way that carpenters deal with this obvious fact. No system of measurement is precise enough to guarantee sound decision making from a single glance. Measurement implies study and additional measurement.

In every department of the organization, besides the touchy-feely HR folks, the lesson of measurement was learned during the days of Total Quality and Re-engineering. The rule in this game is “If the first measurement system seems wrong, devise an alternative.” The subtext of “What gets measured gets managed” is “Study and experiment until you find the right measures.”

What is important about measurement is not the measure itself but the attention paid to the problem as the result of measuring it. In other words, using a measurement approach brings the problem into clearer focus. When one measure fails to capture the entire problem, others have to be devised. Management is, precisely, the art and science of devising increasingly accurate and descriptive measurements.

Any measurement system can be manipulated. Our kids all stand taller and straighter when we measure their height on the family growth wall. Once they started getting taller than their mother, she occasionally wore heels for her measurements. Men are traditionally accused of misunderstanding the difference between centimeters and inches while the stereotype of a woman includes pounds that have 20 ounces in them.

Measurement becomes critical feedback once it is internalized. Ultimately, a significant aspect of an organization’s (or person’s) self concept becomes tied to its measures. “We are a Billion dollar company.” “I am 6 feet tall.” “Our applicants receive a friendly response within 6 hours of submitting a resume.”

The more something is measured, the easier it is to understand and manage changes. “We need to increase the number of leads by 40% in order to guarantee a sales increase of 8%.” “These days, we need about 100 resumes to find just the right candidate.” and so on.

Why is this important?

HR systems are undergoing a moment of profound transformation. From workforce planning to web traffic management to copy development for job advertisements, the new processes require the development of new measures and new views of decision making. Some of the hardest work involves the creation and articulation of company specific standards and goals.

It is critical that the people involved in these efforts understand that bringing something under a measurement regime involves a commitment to constant renewal and the search for ever better tools. It is simply inadequate (and lazy) to argue that one form of measurement is imprecise or flawed without proposing an alternative and improved approach.

Sometimes You’re Just an Idiot

Last modified on 2013-03-13 11:22:04 GMT. 1 comment. Top.

Dr. Todd Dewett | Founding member, HRExaminer Editorial Advisory Board

I don’t care who you are, sometimes you’re just an idiot.  We are all imperfect.  You, me, everybody.  Sometimes it is easy to forget this truth.  That’s why I like it when, once in a blue moon, I do something that makes me consciously aware that, for at least a few moments, I’m an idiot.  When this happens I am reminded of the need for feedback to fuel my continued growth as a professional and a human.  I remember the need for humility.

Here is the latest example of how I was made aware of my idiot potential.  I was backstage at a large speaking gig for a client making small talk with a few executives.  It was a huge employee appreciation day for nearly one thousand employees and I was the day’s entertainment.  We had about 15 minutes to go before they introduced me and I was chatting with Suzanne, the company’s Vice President of Human Resources.  She was congenial, very bright, and profoundly attractive.  I’m a single guy and I noticed she was not wearing a wedding ring, so I quietly reminded myself not to be an idiot while we were talking.

The conversation was going great.  She was delightful and easy to talk to.  At some point Suzanne asked me a question I’ve been asked many times.  She said, “Todd, how did you become involved in speaking professionally?”  I replied, “Honestly, it was serendipity, not a plan per se.  Apparently if you’re an expert with a little bit of personality, you can be a speaker.  Truth is, I’m just a big boob and as it turns out, people really like boobs.”

I realized what I said.  I sighed, knowing I was an idiot.

Suzanne was a trooper.  She blew it off and pretended not to notice my silly faux pas.  Nonetheless, I was embarrassed.  I was once again reminded of my imperfection, my humanness.  The embarrassment soon turned into inner laughter.  Thankfully, I’ve realized that it’s refreshing to be humbled on occasion.

Being revealed as an idiot is normal!  The only real idiot is the person unwilling to laugh about it and learn from it.