How to keep going

I don’t like what’s happening in the world. I am so tired.

I’m also okay. Mostly. Sometimes.

Here are some of the things I’m doing and trying to stay sane in a reality that feels unreal and awful.

Honor the struggle

There is a lot going on that is violent and harmful to people. And none of it makes sense to me. I would really like it to go away. I would like it to stop. But even if that’s possible, it will take time.

For now, I need to start where I am, which is feeling angry, stuck, horror, disgust, and very, very sad.

I have dealt with narcissists and sociopaths my entire life and career. I recognize them and understand what they are capable of. I know they do not care about the consequences of their actions for anyone but themselves. They only care about what they want and will use any means to get it, regardless of law, economics, practicalities, logic, common sense, or the destruction of anyone or anything. Some of them even enjoy hurting people because it makes them feel strong and powerful. I’m not surprised when they do things that are harmful, even this.

But I was not prepared for the grief.

The grief is thick, heavy, and paralyzing sometimes. Our government is intentionally hurting and killing people and destroying homes, families, and livelihoods. I know people who are living in terror. Some days, it’s me.

I miss being able to rely on the Constitution and laws. I miss governments, courts, and citizens following the law and court orders.

Even though I have some understanding of why it is happening, I’m devastated that so many people are going along with it. I’m not sure I will ever understand that.

What I need to remember is that I am having a perfectly normal response to abnormal situations. I’m not crazy. But the world is.

Still, I have to keep going and do the best I can with what I have in the moment. I know how to do that—even when the moment involves crawling into bed and having a good cry.

Have mixed feelings

I wasn’t allowed to have negative feelings as a kid. I was expected to show up, clean, cheerful, and cooperative. If I was angry, sad, disappointed, or anything that could possibly be interpreted as unpleasant, I was sent to my room until I “could put a smile on my face.”

It’s a good thing I’m an introvert. I was perfectly content to read a book in bed. But it took me a long to time to see that I liked it and was happiest alone in my room. I couldn’t see past the pain of the rejection and shaming that put me there.

Eventually (I had a lot of time), I realized I could be sad and happy at the same time. I could be furious and still laugh. I could be devastated and still find gratitude for beauty and wonder and curiosity.

With some attention to all the things I’m feeling, it turns out I usually have mixed feelings about almost everything all the time. So I invite all those mixed feelings to come along for the ride. But I don’t have to let them drive. I can choose where to focus my energy.

I’m not stuck and I don’t have to wait until the grief goes away to find peace and enjoy things today. I’m going to start with some chocolate.

Medication

Anti-depressants have saved my life, probably more than once. I haven’t been on them for a few years. Then a couple months ago, I started a new migraine medicine that also treats anxiety and depression. It turns out I had dramatically underestimated my levels of anxiety and depression.

Holy wow. I feel better. It’s partly because I don’t have a splitting migraine. But a lot of it is also because my brain chemistry is in much better shape.

If you’re feeling stuck and can’t seem to get out of the mental and emotional muck, consider talking to your doctor about medication.

Go outside and play

I get it. You are a grown up. You are very busy and have responsibilities. People depend on you and there is never enough time to get it all done.

It’s all true. And you still need to go outside and play, preferably every day.

The light and air feel good. Seeing big skies and water, or tall trees, or beautiful flowers fills my soul.

I remember that fish, and finches and fawns do not care about my little human and governmental dramas. It’s a relief to get out of my head and into the world where I have a chance of seeing things in their right size.

Eat green stuff

I had ice cream for breakfast, which was wonderful. But I’m also making sure I eat at least some food that came from the ground. I also need regular bits of protein. When I’m having a hard time, I have to spend some extra effort making sure my body has what it needs.

If I don’t, I get cranky and can’t think. When I can’t think, I get scared. This sets off adrenaline and cortisol cascades that make me feel even worse and eventually break stuff—like everything.

In recovery I learned HALT. It stands for hungry, angry, lonely, tired. When I don’t like the way I feel, I need to check and fix those things first, then reassess. Maybe the world’s not ending; maybe I just need a sandwich.

Sofalism

In college I invented a religion called Sofalism. In Sofalism, the highest good is to remain horizontal as much as possible. (Sofa optional.) The rest is up to you.

The rest is up to you.

In order to function, I need sufficient down time, sleep, and alone time. They are not nice to haves; they are need to haves. I need to be a human being instead of a human doing.

So try Sofalism. You’re not being lazy; it’s a spiritual practice.

Manageable bite-sized pieces

I survive and thrive on lists. If it’s written down on the list, then the list can hold it and I don’t have to. I can stop remembering I need to do it until I’m ready to deal with it. This is freeing.

Usually, I can pick up a list and start somewhere. But not always. Sometimes it’s all too much, too big, too difficult, or too annoying. Then it’s time to break things down into manageable bite-sized pieces until there is something I know I can do.

If I can’t write an article, maybe I can write a couple sentences about how to keep going. If the project is too daunting, I can almost always find a smaller piece that isn’t.

I don’t need to wait for everything to be perfect to start somewhere. I don’t need to do everything all at once. I’m just going to do this little bit. Then maybe another.

Help others

One of the most powerful things we can do is to be kind, show compassion, care, and help others.

Even if it’s returning the grocery cart or picking up dog poop that’s not your dog’s. Open up to world and leave your spot at the center of it for a little while.

Understanding, caring, and helping each other is how we’re going to keep going. We will help each other through this.